“Women are told everything will be over, and you won’t have to think about this again.”
I was a senior in high school. It was prom night, and I got pregnant.
So, I went to a doctor. He confirmed the pregnancy and asked how far along I was.
I lied.
He agreed with the lie, and then I went to Planned Parenthood.
You walk into the abortion clinic, and what’s in your mind is “Just do this, and get it over with. It’ll be done.”
As soon as you walk out the door, the enemy says “How dare you?”.
And he reminds you of what you did every single day.
It wasn’t until years later that I was in a Bible study discussing the life of Paul and he talks about himself as being “the chief of sinners.” During the discussion, another woman in the Bible study said “No, I am the chief of sinners,” and talked openly how she had an abortion.
I went to her afterwards and said, “I cannot believe you can talk about that in public. I had an abortion and I’ve only told two people in my life.”
“My greatest source of earthly help has been Alternatives Pregnancy Center,” she said.
“You need to call them,” she said, writing down the phone number.
I finally got up enough courage and called.
“We have a post abortion group starting,” they said.
I went through the program, and I had no idea that my abortion subconsciously had affected so many areas of my life — including the husband I married.
I married my husband, because when I told them about my abortion, he said “Well, God’s forgiven you. I have nothing to say about that.”
I knew he would never, for the rest of his life, bring it up.
But after going through the Counseling After Abortion course, I asked my husband, “Why did you never ask? Why did you not want to know?”
That’s one of the things that happens when you take the lid off. You start examining why you married who you did, why you’ve made the choices you’ve made, and why you’re afraid to do certain things.
So finally, after the counseling, the Lord asked me “Is the cross enough or are you going to carry this, because we can’t have it both ways? Either I did enough, or you’re going to do it.”
Today, I totally understand that Christ paid it already, and all the burden of guilt is gone.
This is what grace is, and Alternatives got me here.
